Two months later I realized I was pregnant. A fear gripped me like none I had ever known. My head was spinning, my heart was pounding, and I was alone and terrified. Where could I go? Who could I tell? My parents would kill me. How could I explain how it happened? It was already August and I would be returning to college in only a few weeks. I had to find help quickly.

Not knowing where to go for help, I went to the phone book, found the first place that offered pregnancy testing and counseling and made an appointment. I was looking for someone who could give me direction and guidance. Unfortunately the only option that was offered by the counselor was abortion. Her solution was abortion now or later—later would, according to her, require hospitalization.
 

I panicked when I heard this. My parents would find out if I waited. I couldn’t face that so I chose what I thought was my only option. Extremely distressed, tears streaming down my face, stifling the sobs that were now coming, I signed the papers. A young girl in a crisis situation, obviously distressed . . . a box of Kleenex was the extent of the counsel I received. Alone, in a strange place, still in shock from finding out I had conceived, I made a decision that will be with me for the rest of my life.

Prior to my pregnancy I did not agree with abortion, but I never thought I would have to make that decision. I did not want an abortion, but I felt I had no other choice. After the abortion, I wanted to die. How could I live when I had just ended the life of my child? The negative feelings resulting from the rape were not eliminated by the abortion. Nothing was solved; instead, the grief was now doubled. I became severely depressed and suicidal. The pain was so intense that I would cut myself. Somehow this helped release all that was locked inside that I could not express.
 

I was back at college, halfway into the first semester of my sophomore year. I had been an excellent student the year before, and now I was beginning to fail my classes. My professors were concerned, but did not know what to do. My parents still had no idea [what had happened.] Finally a concerned friend, who saw the changes taking place and recognized my need for help, confronted me. She too had been raped and could identify with my pain. She took me to a counselor, and thus began the long process of healing. ...
 

In my opinion an abortion is never, in any circumstances, a good solution to rape or incest or any crisis pregnancy. An abortion only adds to and compounds the trauma that has already occurred. A woman, who has already been violated once, does not benefit from the violent loss of her innocent child. God gave every woman a special ability to bond with a child even before it is born. Even though she may not confess it with her mouth, I believe deep down inside a woman knows this is a baby and not just a bundle of cells. So when it is ripped away by an abortion, a bond is broken and grief will occur.

I feel those who support abortion in cases of rape and incest do not know what they are talking about. What they may think is an act of mercy, is no mercy at all. Abortion does not help or solve a problem—it only compounds and creates another trauma for the already grieving victim by taking away the one thing that can bring joy.

I believe that it is actually healing for a woman who has suffered a traumatic pregnancy to see the life she can bring into this world and to experience the joy that comes with that new life. People need to remember that there is a God who can take what Satan meant for evil and turn it into a beautiful, wonderful thing.

To those women who are dealing with a pregnancy as a result of a rape or incest: you are not alone. We have a God who knows us more intimately than any person ever could. He knows our deepest needs and is longing for you to know Him. He is the only one who can heal those deep wounds, and I believe rape, incest and abortion cause deep wounds to our souls. True healing can only come from the Ultimate Counselor Himself. If we allow Jesus Christ to be a part of our healing process we can be whole again.

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Excerpted from Victims and Victors: Speaking Out About Their Pregnancies, Abortions and Children Resulting from Sexual Assault. Copyright 2000 David C. Reardon, Julie Makimaa and Amy Sobie